Christmas cheer and new accessories

Exciting news.  Am just five tiny points off the lead.  Have broken the 1,000 point mark and psychologically this has given me a much-needed boost.  We're over half way now, and I'm still in with a chance.

Went to see Coventry play QPR at the Ricoh yesterday.  Before the game, FM3 presented me with a Christmas gift of Coventry City gloves, hat and matching scarf.  His mission to convert me into a full-blown Coventry fan was going pretty well, until I asked him to put a bet on for me, 1-2 to QPR.  

Still, I donned my new football accessories with pride and joined the supporters at the slightly busier end (had we known the match was being broadcast live on Sky we may have chosen a different fixture). The highlight was undoubtedly an 'almost' fight just before half time -  not between the players - but two Coventry supporters sat near us. I 'almost' won my bet too. Final score: Coventry City 0, Queens Park Rangers 2.

New Year's Resolutions of a Fantasy Football Manager

1. Top of the list, and regardless of what some people say (you know who you are) I will not get emotional about fantasy football. It is not healthy. I define Emotional* as the following:
   

   • Annoyed when I’m not top of the league
   • Irritable when other people’s players score and mine don’t
   • Angry when my players receive any type of card
   • Frustrated when I am unable to predict the correct captain
   • Upset when a player of mine gets injured and goes off at the 58th minute.
   • Saying ridiculous things like "It’s not fair, if it hadn’t snowed I’d have got way more points." Of course it’s fair - it’s a competition.

   *Tears of joy are of course, acceptable.
2. I will no longer watch Soccer Saturday. Since the season began I estimate that I have spent at least eight hours of my life watching Chris Kamara with his matching moustache / headphones and waiting with baited breath for the rare highlight that is Jeff Stelling bringing out his James Brown miniature. No more. 
3. Pretending to buy The Sun for ‘football research’. I will come clean and admit that I buy it for Dear Deidre. In the same way that Jeremy Kyle cheers me up, so does the relief that comes when I realise my life is not complicated by the fact that I am in love with my boss/teacher/bus driver who, in a cruel twist of fate, is actually my half brother/cousin or not a boss/teacher/bus driver at all.
4. La Liga has been banned by my husband. Not a resolution but a rule that I need to observe. No watching Barcelona on a Tuesday night. (I think this is just a tiny bit cruel - who wouldn’t want to watch Barcelona?). Think husband is demonstrating bizarre behaviour (perhaps he is jealous of Football?) but will respect his wish.
5. Let sleeping Football Mentors lie. Lie in that is. No phoning them on Saturday mornings with unless they indicate they are available and willing to actively participate in A bit of skirt team and captain selection.
6. Jamie Redknapp. There is an inexplicable crush forming here which I need to sort out. Worryingly, he is growing on me - like his trousers, which must grow from his legs rather than be put on manually.
7. Put it down...  The Blackberry. There is no need to keep track of my scores throughout Saturday and Sunday. This is abnormal and slightly obsessive. I will wait until the league tables are updated at the start of the week before checking my progress. 
8. Come up with ideas to market ‘A bit of skirt’. Having recently purchased the domain name ‘abitofskirt.co.uk’ there must be something entrepreneurial I can do here, Football related or not. Ideas on a postcard and no naughty ones please.
9. Not mention Football when I meet people for the first time. Last week, a colleague I’d met a few weeks earlier for the first time sent me a serious, business-related email. Before he got on to the business part, he asked how my team was doing and recommended that I buy Lampard before he got too expensive. Not sure if this is the way I want to be remembered.
10. And finally, drum roll please, my final resolution is of course, to do all I can to win the office fantasy football league whilst observing resolutions 1-9 above. I pledge now that any money I win along the way* will go to The Justin Campaign, a charity founded in memory of Justin Fashanu that aims to end homophobia in the beautiful game.

*Having not won any money thus far, and looking highly unlikely for manager of the month prize anytime soon, I will of course make a donation at the end of the season regardless.

Playing the wildcard

Injuries; and a cold, hard frost in the North of the country have ripped the heart out of A bit of skirt.  No game in Blackpool, and I was faced with just two game-worthy midfielders - one of whom hasn’t even started a game for what seems like forever (for no apparent reason). 

I sat in my pyjamas and texted Football Mentor 3 (FM3) about the game being postponed.  We’d already had a long and detailed discussion about playing my wildcard.  His view was that I should hold onto it, me (ever the impatient) had wanted to play it weeks ago.  Now, the time had come.  I had a valid excuse and needed points to stay in contention.  There was no way I was slipping back down the league. I’d come this far.

I had prepared well in advance for this moment, and had my new team scribbled on the back of an envelope under my bed.  

After 15 minutes I’d had no response from FM3 so I decided to call him. It was 9.30am. He answered quite grumpily, muttering something about the Ashes and sleeping on the sofa. The mood in the Bit of skirt camp had been very low after last weekend; which was frankly awful (my lowest ever score – 35).  FM 3 had used the words ‘reeling’ and ‘I don’t know what to say’ but we’d moved on from that and I felt the wildcard would give us both the fresh start that the team needed.

I made my changes and felt a little jolt of excitement as I hit the ‘play wildcard’ button.  There was no going back now.  I resisted the temptation to Sky Plus Soccer Saturday and headed out into the snow.

Fast forward to Sunday night.  A bit of skirt is back on top of the league.  Just. Wrong captaincy choice again though and it just kills me.  If there’s one thing in this game I can’t stand, it’s not getting points that are there for the taking.

Monday night.  Liverpool keep a clean sheet.  The automatic substitutions are put through and I discover that I’m in 2^nd place – 10 points off the lead.

It could have been worse, I think to myself.

Aside from the decision to play the wildcard I’m now faced with a new dilemma.  I’m worried about how I’m being perceived. Too often now my girlfriends are saying things like “I don’t know who you are anymore” and to our male friends “what have you done with Clare?” I don’t want to become a ladette who wears football shirts and tracky bottoms on the weekend (I confess I have a snood but it’s fur and completely different).  And I’m worried that men might be put off talking to me.  Girls just aren’t supposed to be this into football.  

I had a conversation with Football Mentor 1 (FM1) about this the other day.  “It can be a bit off-putting” he revealed, “But you are doing your research so it’s a bit different.”  I knew what he was getting at.  It’s annoying when someone jumps on the bandwagon and then suddenly thinks they are an expert on the topic. Although I think it’s a fantastic game and I am enjoying watching it I don’t claim to know anything about football ––I’ve barely scratched the surface.  It’s my slightly addictive personality that is driving this – that and a desire to win.  “You know why I’m doing this though?”  I said to FM1 as we continued our ladette conversation.  “To win” he correctly replied.  I nodded.  “That’s right”.  He looked a bit scared. 

Still, some men have a different take on it.  FM3 is overjoyed and can’t get enough (except perhaps when I call him after Ashes all-nighters). He thinks my newfound passion is “Ace” and literally wants to shout it from the rooftops.  He is on a mission to convert me into a full blown Coventry fan.  My husband thinks it’s “good for you to have a hobby” but I can tell he gets secretly annoyed when I roll my eyes and correct him when he says things like “Van Der Sar plays for Tottenham right?”

So I’m going underground for a bit (she says as she invites people over to watch the Tottenham V Chelsea game this weekend).   I’ll use this blog as a way of expressing my loving and loathing of football and try and return the balance of my femininity.

“Is it ok to get excited when a goal is scored?”

“Yes” confirmed FM1. 

Thank goodness for that.

A woman's perspective on Fantasy Football

It’s a nippy Tuesday evening in November.  With a Becks in one hand and a large tin of Quality Street in comfortable reaching distance, I find myself watching Scotland Vs Faroe Islands. Hardly a football match worth missing jungle fun with Ant and Dec for.  It’s a friendly – but I’ve noticed that Charlie Adam is playing and I am now compelled to watch the full 90 minutes. Why? Charlie Adam , a midfielder for Blackpool, may not have the global profile of say, Wayne Rooney (and what does that even mean these days?) but in the world of Fantasy Football he is significantly outscoring young Wayne . He is also a key member of my team ‘A bit of skirt FC’, which is currently sitting 17 points in the lead of the office Fantasy Football competition.

(Pause and much swearing as Charlie Adam goes off injured - such a risk these friendly internationals. Feel slight guilt that I didn’t know that Charlie Adam was Scottish before tonight)

Fantasy Football. My new hobby. Which has come in mighty handy since my husband is lost in the world of an upcoming CFA exam. It’s given me something to do, and I’ve surprised myself at how much I am enjoying (and at times, loathing) the experience.

If I am completely honest, prior to this year’s World Cup I had zero interest in football. We’d go to the pub with friends to watch the game “for the atmosphere”; which, if it was an England game, usually involved dead silence and a man quietly sobbing into his pint.  From the corner of my eye, I’d observe on the big flat screen people flinging scarves wildly around their heads and men removing their shirts to expose their bellies in excitement.  Beyond the pub it was difficult to avoid the players in the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

Having been raised in antipodean lands I was a rugby girl at heart, very happy to watch Dan Carter in full high definition glory as he lined up his penalties ever Saturday morning during the very comprehensive Super 14 coverage.  We were a happy household, content and secure in our knowledge of the southern hemisphere comps, the All Blacks and their quest for world domination. I could not understand why anyone would sit through a 90 minute game which could quite possibly end in a 0-0 draw (which, by the way, can be a fantastic result in the world of Fantasy Football – in so many ways).  “Football’s so boring…” I used to moan if it found its way on to our TV.  And so many leagues... What was the point?

But the New Zealand All Whites’ quite unexpected and memorable performance at the World Cup sparked a glimmer of interest in me.  This “beautiful” game was completely unpredictable.  Anything could happen and did, which was unfortunate for England and for our World Cup BBQ which was hastily re-themed.   My second proudest moment this year was when the BBC website displayed my text during the build up to the All Whites’ final Group game. I was hopelessly optimistic that we could win, and was unable to concentrate on anything else for that full 90 minutes. I wanted to share the moment with someone who understood.  My heart was in my mouth and I began to understand what it might feel like to be a football fan.  This was the stuff dreams were made of.  And they could be shattered in a heartbeat (or in football terms, about the time it takes to see the ball sail past the keeper into the top right-hand corner of the net).

In August, a colleague sent a pleading email to five women, including me.  “Our Fantasy Football league is severely lacking skirt” he complained, just prior to the start of the Premier League season.  “Please will you join?”  To this day I’m not sure why girls were sought – probably just to make up numbers.  In any case, my interest following the World Cup and competitive streak joined forces and I found myself agreeing (a little reluctantly due to my complete lack of football knowledge) to enter.  Life has not been the same since.

My team selection was farcical.  I spent more time playing with my kit colours (a fetching black, mauve and fuchsia combination) than selecting my squad. Not knowing where to start I asked a friend (let’s call him Football Mentor 1) if he had a Fantasy Football team.  He had, which was mighty handy, as he happily shared this with me.  He even suggested that he could manage the team for me.  But I was intrigued by what £100 million could get me (it reminded me of shopping) and I bravely made some of my own selections, based on looks, nationality and names I had heard of before. Perhaps I recognised Ashley Cole for the wrong reasons, but he was in.

I sent my team off to a couple of other Football Mentors and was reassured that I wouldn’t come last (my worst fear).  I was strongly encouraged to drop the Kiwi who had almost scored for the All Whites in the World Cup. “But he played so well,” I protested, “And he’s Kiwi...“  “But Clare, he is highly unlikely to even start this season – it’s the worst thing to have a player in your team that doesn’t start.” Football Mentor 2 was deadly serious.  I refused to get rid of the Kiwi for four weeks, until I discovered that the worst thing in Fantasy Football was to have a player in your team that doesn’t start.

With the team finalised, the season began.  I soon found out I was the only female in the league of 29 men.  A bit of skirt was in fact, the only skirt.  My competitive streak went up a notch.  In week one, I scored 65 points. I had no idea if this was good or not, and decided it was a complete fluke.  The following week, I scored 88.  I was now sitting towards the top end of the league table and could have been in the lead if I’d made a better captain choice.  I hadn’t realised that you could change your captain each week.  Hindsight is a killer in this game and I was driven to carry on and make better choices the next week.  A bit of skirt, just like the All Whites, was exceeding expectations.

Since then, and with the ongoing support of my tireless Football Mentors (bless their multi-coloured football socks) I’ve managed to navigate my way through the world of Fantasy Football. Much like a real life football manager, you need a strategy. I’ve discovered that 90 minutes of game time is just the tip of the iceberg.  I have a brand new range of vocabulary that I can switch to at the drop of a hat: Formations, clean sheets, knocks, tackles, cards, transfers, assists, left backs, right backs, Gareth Bale...  I’ve learned that every male football fan thinks they know all there is to know about football – and all have completely different opinions. I read the paper in reverse order - back to front - and receive a daily ‘tea time’ email with all the latest gossip.  Football gossip. I look forward to this.  I admire Karen Brady . I love Ian Holloway .  I sometimes catch myself watching Joe Hart dancing in his pants on YouTube. 

A bit of skirt is still going strong – and my team finances are looking very healthy - but after 13 Gameweeks there have been low points.  A bad transfer last weekend left me sulking and irritable. “Stupid game!” I muttered grumpily. I was kicking myself for making the wrong decision and missing out on valuable points. I refused to watch any more football, much to my husband’s relief.

This lasted about a day, because Fantasy Football is addictive.  When you see a player of yours score, it’s like winning the Grand National sweepstake.  The excitement levels are definitely on par.  But it’s more than that. The recent  0-3 upset between Chelsea and Sunderland at Stamford Bridge was terrible for A bit of skirt, but I couldn’t help admire the performance of Sunderland.  It was a classic David and Goliath.  The odds of it happening were ridiculous.  Imagine being a Sunderland fan on that day.  I wish I’d put money on that one.

The Fantasy Football manager’s most quoted statement is: “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” (followed closely by “if only…”).  There’s still a long way to go, but I’m aiming for a top 3 finish. I have a personal objective to score over 100 points in one Gameweek.  This is entirely possible.  One hat-trick and the right captain choice could set you up nicely, but it’s easier said than done. The curse of the Fantasy Football manager is chasing the high scorers – who strangely stop scoring the moment you put them in your team. Patience is a virtue.

My proudest moment this year?  Gameweek 11 ; when A bit of skirt was ranked 1,500th in England and 2,641st in the world. There are 2,282,749 teams enrolled in this league. I was in the top 0.1% percentile.  Who would have thought? 

Next season, I’d like to think I can be a bit more relaxed about Fantasy Football. Realistically though, I think I’ve learned enough in the past few months to know that the words relaxed and football just don’t mix.

Back in Aberdeen, the sideline commentator reports that Charlie Adam is fine, he took a knock but it’s not serious.  He’s up and walking around.  I breathe a sigh of relief; as do thousands of Blackpool supporters. Looks like he will be starting for two teams this weekend.