New Year's Resolutions of a Fantasy Football Manager

1. Top of the list, and regardless of what some people say (you know who you are) I will not get emotional about fantasy football. It is not healthy. I define Emotional* as the following:
   

   • Annoyed when I’m not top of the league
   • Irritable when other people’s players score and mine don’t
   • Angry when my players receive any type of card
   • Frustrated when I am unable to predict the correct captain
   • Upset when a player of mine gets injured and goes off at the 58th minute.
   • Saying ridiculous things like "It’s not fair, if it hadn’t snowed I’d have got way more points." Of course it’s fair - it’s a competition.

   *Tears of joy are of course, acceptable.
2. I will no longer watch Soccer Saturday. Since the season began I estimate that I have spent at least eight hours of my life watching Chris Kamara with his matching moustache / headphones and waiting with baited breath for the rare highlight that is Jeff Stelling bringing out his James Brown miniature. No more. 
3. Pretending to buy The Sun for ‘football research’. I will come clean and admit that I buy it for Dear Deidre. In the same way that Jeremy Kyle cheers me up, so does the relief that comes when I realise my life is not complicated by the fact that I am in love with my boss/teacher/bus driver who, in a cruel twist of fate, is actually my half brother/cousin or not a boss/teacher/bus driver at all.
4. La Liga has been banned by my husband. Not a resolution but a rule that I need to observe. No watching Barcelona on a Tuesday night. (I think this is just a tiny bit cruel - who wouldn’t want to watch Barcelona?). Think husband is demonstrating bizarre behaviour (perhaps he is jealous of Football?) but will respect his wish.
5. Let sleeping Football Mentors lie. Lie in that is. No phoning them on Saturday mornings with unless they indicate they are available and willing to actively participate in A bit of skirt team and captain selection.
6. Jamie Redknapp. There is an inexplicable crush forming here which I need to sort out. Worryingly, he is growing on me - like his trousers, which must grow from his legs rather than be put on manually.
7. Put it down...  The Blackberry. There is no need to keep track of my scores throughout Saturday and Sunday. This is abnormal and slightly obsessive. I will wait until the league tables are updated at the start of the week before checking my progress. 
8. Come up with ideas to market ‘A bit of skirt’. Having recently purchased the domain name ‘abitofskirt.co.uk’ there must be something entrepreneurial I can do here, Football related or not. Ideas on a postcard and no naughty ones please.
9. Not mention Football when I meet people for the first time. Last week, a colleague I’d met a few weeks earlier for the first time sent me a serious, business-related email. Before he got on to the business part, he asked how my team was doing and recommended that I buy Lampard before he got too expensive. Not sure if this is the way I want to be remembered.
10. And finally, drum roll please, my final resolution is of course, to do all I can to win the office fantasy football league whilst observing resolutions 1-9 above. I pledge now that any money I win along the way* will go to The Justin Campaign, a charity founded in memory of Justin Fashanu that aims to end homophobia in the beautiful game.

*Having not won any money thus far, and looking highly unlikely for manager of the month prize anytime soon, I will of course make a donation at the end of the season regardless.