And the winner is....

So you're all dying to know right?  Well, before we get to that - I can honestly say that I'm relieved it's all  over.  I don't think I could have taken another day like last Sunday.  Despite some big talk that I was going to avoid all the results, of course I sat down and watched the Man U v Blackpool game.  I felt sick, nervous and it wasn't enjoyable in the slightest - particularly when they kept flashing the goals from the other games up on the screen.  Anyone who finds Survival Sunday exciting must be mad.

So, after the games had concluded and following a long debate with my Football Mentor (FM) we plucked up the courage to look at the scores. (When I say we, it's because I was too chicken to look so had to get FM to go into the website and look for me).  We came to the conclusion that (and with bonus points pending) A bit of skirt had probably done just enough to win.  I immediately trotted down do the Co-op and returned to the house with a bottle of bubbly.  I was breaking my drinking ban but figured after nine long months I could probably justify it. And my nerves were shot.  I needed something to calm me down.   The league tables took AGES to update and it wasn't confirmed until Monday morning, but there I was, against all the odds, in number 1 spot.  I still can't believe it.   I romped home (not really) 11 points ahead, and overall I placed 5,002nd in the world.  Not bad for my first season.

So in honour of the last blog in the Adventures of A bit of skirt series and in true reality fantasy football blog style, I thought I'd share with you some of the Best Bits.

In no particular order:

1) The first gameweek, when I had my laptop on and my team on screen as I was watching the game on TV.  I was so excited when I got a point and it magically updated the players' scores - from that moment on I was hooked.

2) "I did fine, and thank you for asking"  I'm still reminded of this text that I sent to my football mentor the weekend he ditched me to play football on a Saturday morning.  It was a big week - I was playing my second wildcard, and I was more than a little upset that he wasn't taking his commitment seriously.  Late on Sunday evening I received a text from him to ask how I went, and that was my response.  If he wasn't aware I was angry before, he was after that and he thinks it is hilarious to remind me on a regular basis of how outrageous I was (actually I think it's a perfectly fine and polite text in the circumstances but there you go - men for you).

3) While we're talking about men - I finally understand the attraction to footballers.  Amazing legs and bodies. There is not nearly enough shirt off action at the end of games and I think this should be made mandatory for every player going forward.  Except for Wayne Rooney.  And maybe just add in Jamie R, in the studio, for fun.

4)  Speaking of Jame R - I learnt my lesson in a big way when I searched the internet for images of his naked torso a few months back.  Let's just say not everyone is a fan of J and a site I inadvertently visited left an interestingly named URL on our web history.  I didn't realise that it was me who had done this, and wrongly accused poor husband of looking at dodgy sites.  Not my finest moment.  Husband obviously had the last laugh when he clicked on the webpage and saw who it was.

5) The 139 point gameweek.   One of my objectives achieved and possibly the greatest gameweek I'll ever have.  Immensely satisfying and enjoyable.

6) Speaking to my Football Mentor every week. Having recently moved to the Midlands (why?) we had really only spoken on special occasions.  Now he had the pleasure of speaking to me every week!  LOL..  In all seriousness our friendship has been firmly reestablished and I'm pretty sure he enjoyed educating me along the way - why I have retained such useless football trivia such as the 1997 game between Coventry and Tottenham I'll never really know..

7) The insight into football and what it means to fans - quite unbelievable and unique - not just a sport but an industry, way of life, culture defining.  It's been quite honestly a real eye opener and I'm very glad to have experienced some of it.

8) Discovering the Fantasy Football Scout website and realising that it wasn't just me who was completely addicted to this ridiculous game.

9) Seeing that people from all around the world have visited this blog.  It could be by complete accident (in fact highly likely) but regardless, hello Germany, United States, Israel, Croatia, Singapore and Ireland!  Any tips for next season?  And of course thanks to my two followers and five regular readers in the UK who have encouraged me (or ribbed me for ABBA references) along the way.

So, the big question?  Will A bit of skirt be back?  I'm definitely going to play again, but different leagues this time.  I'm wondering if I can better my score next season - so I have to give it a go.  I'm going to go solo too - and give my FM his Saturdays back.  

So what to do in the meantime?   I woke up this morning feeling like something was missing.  Thankfully, the Champions League final is on tonight and I've put a few bets on - just for fun, to tie me over until the season begins again.  

Eye of the tiger; and Eric Cantona

It is with breathless excitement that I bring you news of great progress in the quest for top spot in the office Fantasy Football league. Just three weeks ago I was swinging like a pendulum between 2nd and 3rd and was an alarming 70 points behind the leader. I thought the race for the title was pretty much over (a bit like Chelsea), but with fighting spirit, a few strong results and a bit of lady luck on my side (also like Chelsea) I'm back in the hunt and have clawed it back to just one point behind the leader. Anything can happen now.

There are three game weeks to go and the thought of the final deciding week is already giving me heart palpitations. My Football Mentor (FM), recently sacked for lack of commitment and later re-hired in a rare moment of compassion, thinks I'm in an ideal position. "There's less time for people to catch you" he says. I'm not so sure. I don't think it's enough time to build a decent lead and hence my point above, it's going to come down to the final week. Thump thump goes my heart. I'm going to have to close my eyes.

So what's the strategy? Attack and take risks like I've been doing or defend the position? The former of course, although I don't like it one bit. I'm fairly risk adverse, but you never get anywhere by playing it safe. "Part of me wants you to come second" goaded my FM, "Just so you'll enter again next season." A cruel thing to say but he knows me too well. I don't like losing. Especially when I'm this close to winning.

So what's all this got to do with Eric Cantona? Nothing really, except that we (i.e. my husband) spotted him while on walkabout in Seville. We had to go past twice, as I didn't see him the first time, and even when I saw him the second time I didn't recognise him. He is well before my footballing time but I appreciated the famousness (as did my husband who told me that he used to play for Liverpool) and he looked nice enough in a blue shirt.

He was obviously in no hurry to watch the first leg of the Champions League semi-final between Real Madrid and Barca which surprised me. I watched the second half, purely for the cards / dives / Mourinho facial expressions and arm movement pleasure. I was not disappointed, and to add to all the controversy there was a highlight: the Spanish commentators' goal celebration "Goooooooooooooooaaaaal". And that is the short version. I didn't think that it actually happened. They must practice earnestly as it lasts a really, really long time. I'd like to hear one of our English commentators do one, just for a laugh.

I digress. The ridiculous game (was-it-over-the-line?) and ridiculous season hurtles on. A little look ahead at the fixtures tells me that all the games in the final weekend get played on Sunday 22 May at 4pm. This must be normal (is it?) but seems exceptionally harsh on the fans (and fantasy managers alike). As if the rest of the season hasn't been nail biting enough, let's throw in all ten games at once for a bit of added excitement. This season in particular, it could be that the 90 minutes on that Sunday afternoon will decide whether your team stays in the Premier League. Prepare yourself for images of desolate shirtless men; sobbing small children; players sprawled across the pitch with heads in hands; and further abuse of water bottles.

If A bit of skirt was a horse, I wouldn't be favourite to win (it's my first race after all), but I'll make the distance and am definitely in with a chance. If I had to place a bet I'd go each way and keep my fingers firmly crossed. Wish me luck!

No one remembers third

It is with much gnashing of teeth and stamping of my tiny feet that I bring you news of yet another gameweek ending with A bit of skirt in third place.

It’s just not fair.   Football is officially a stupid game, with stupid rules and stupid players who get injured the moment they move their perfectly formed legs in any position other than running forward.

When Tevez failed to start against Chelsea on the weekend and David Luiz scored I felt very sad.  It was another nail in the coffin, with my opposition yet again displaying the miraculous accuracy of his crystal ball and enormous amounts of good fortune. 

There was one other person who knew what I was feeling that day, who also had sad eyes and a heavy heart.  And that person was Fernando Torres. 

Poor baby.  I felt a quite unnatural maternal instinct for him on Sunday.  When he looked back at the subs board and saw his number up, he honestly looked like he was about to burst into tears.  My heart did a little wobble and if I’d have been able to take him into my arms and comfort him (and no, not like that) I would of.  No one deserves to spend their 27^th birthday like that (short pause as I try - and fail - to remember how I spent my 27^th birthday.)

Seriously though, it must be one of the worst feelings in the world, to have all that talent and be paid all that money and not be able to put a silly little ball in a big wide net.  

Still, there are signs of better times ahead.  For example, I’ve noticed that he’s growing his hair long again which is obviously where it all went wrong in the first place.  I’m wondering if I should take a chance and put him in my team. Maybe he just needs someone to believe in him.  Maybe we could save each other’s seasons.   I feel a song coming on and predictably, it’s ABBA.  I wonder if Sky Sports have made the montage yet?   His best bits in blue, to be played in slow mo and in slightly frosted, to be splashed across our screens when he finally scores and miraculously saves Chelsea (from something). 

There was something in the air that night...

 The stars were bright...

Fernando...

Bouncebackability

This entry is dedicated to someone who is quite possibly my blog's biggest (and only) fan. I promise to keep it going until the end of the season, just for you MM!

Ten weeks to go! The countdown until the end of the season has officially begun and I can now start to imagine the return of my Saturday mornings. Longer lay-ins, no trip to the Co-op for the Sun, no phoning FM3 in mad panics, no swearing at the TV, no more football. For approximately 3 days, until it all begins again.

Until then though, I have unfinished business. I'm still in second place and the way I look at it, if Birmingham can beat Arsenal, anything is possible.

My team is in a very bad way and fielding a team of 11 has been a real struggle. Littered with injuries and an Egyptian goalkeeper it's looking like, well, a team of players who are at the tail end of a World Cup year. Any little knock or knack seems to lead to weeks of treatment and indefinite return dates. Fantasyfootballscout.co.uk's injury table has become my Holy Grail.

Weird cup fixtures are throwing up double games and worse, blank fixtures. I've had to break my own golden rule of not 'taking a hit', which means a 4 point deduction for every additional transfer you make each week. I've lost precious ground and annoyingly, my main opponent seems to be taking it all in his stride and is streaking ahead. I'd like to say that he's had a lot of luck, but I think, realistically and depressingly for me, he knows a bit about football.  

The start of the season feels like a very very long time ago and in the past few weeks I have talked about throwing in the towel. I'm known for getting bored of things very easily. Mention DIY to my husband and he'll talk quite freely about the enormous amounts of energy and excitement, which lead to tiredness, frustration and an obvious lack of skill and eventual complete abandonment.

This time though, I will see it through. To the end, properly, for all the bit of skirt fan(s). This may just be the comeback of the season.... 

Skirt on top

Had to post an update today, because it might be the only time for a while that I can say that A bit of skirt is back on top.  It’s only by 3 tiny points, and the chasing pack are gaining (smug with their 100 + point gameweek), but it’s where I like to be.  How many weeks to go? Too many to comprehend.

I’ve been busy, and not much time to dedicate to proper team research.  I made a transfer in four minutes flat this morning (a new record) and about 30 seconds too late I realised that my entire bench was injured and one of my key strikers is in doubt.  I was torn between feeling sick with worry and not caring very much (I know! Something is definitely changing…). In the end I texted a football mentor looking for sympathy and I felt better after that.

I blame my limited knowledge of injuries and fixtures this week entirely on the fact that football news (and quite a few of the front pages) has been completely dominated by the sexism debate (Keys/Gray Vs the world) and the dizzying excitement that was the close of the mid-season transfer window.

I couldn’t give two hoots about who paid what for who, but I did find the transfer window intriguing.  So much hype and debate. On Sky Sports news there was even a little countdown timer on the corner of the screen.  2 hours and 31 minutes to go….  It was like the world was about to end.  There was live coverage of football clubs in darkness with a single lit window; reports of players being spotted in cars (probably off to do their weekly shop); a few hardcore fans stood outside the gates (why?) and a massive amount of speculation as to who was going to pull “the rabbit out of the bag” at the last minute.  In the end, there weren’t any major rabbits in my opinion. The Torres rumours started early.  I think those who watched until 11pm may have felt let down. 

In saying that, it’s all been beautifully set up for Chelsea V Liverpool this weekend.  Could the timing be any better?  It’s a Sky Sports dream fixture and, shock horror, it just happens to be one of the games televised that day. Liverpool fans are not happy, and who can blame them? Just as Torres finds his form he’s off. Apparently magic King Kenny cannot fix everything.  The big question is this - will Torres grow his hair back?  I think he will.

Speaking of hype and drama, on Monday last week I started to write a blog entry about sexism in football. By Tuesday, the world’s media had said everything there was to say on the topic. So I refrained – thinking about it made my head hurt and frankly I was bored of it. 

I will, however, share a few personal insights as discussions on the topic have lead to surprising outcomes. For example, one of my male friends confessed that he would not date a woman who is into football.  He believes football is a sport for men.  Shallow but honest?  I come from background of Netball, where men are openly welcomed and recognised for their abilities, both on the court as players; as umpires; and as followers of the game.  I was shocked. 

I am happy to say though, and this is the important part, that everyone I have spoken to agreed that you shouldn’t be judged on your ability to do your job based on your gender (or race, or sexuality for that matter).  That’s what happened to Sian Massey and it is not right.

For the record, when the story broke last week (and my hackles were up) I shared my very own, un-googled, female interpretation of the off-side rule with one of my football mentors. “Yes, that’s about it”, he replied, “It’s the phases that get complicated though”.   Phases?  This was completely new to me – I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.  “Yeah,” I quickly agreed, “They can be” and swiftly changed the subject.   

Super SUPER Sunday!

Ooooh the excitement! It's a Super Sunday Hat-Trick - two big derbys and Tottenham v Man U - all live on Sky. The coverage has just begun (it's 11.30am) and if I'm not careful, I could quite easily find myself watching seven hours of football. 

The build up from Sky is making me die with laughter, thanks to David Mitchell's brilliant Sky football spoof - but I admit I am being easily drawn in to this day (cue dramatic gladiator music and digital remastered clips of derbys past) and I'm struggling to work out how I can tear myself away to get dressed, go food shopping, do the washing, clean the house and fit in a run around the park.

Things are hotting up too in the fantasy football league. I have retained my number two position  after the last gameweek, and have a decent enough gap between me and the rest of the chasing pack.  The leader however, (my nemisis) remains one step ahead of me. No matter what I do, he manages to pull it out of the bag week after week, and is currently 14 points ahead of me.  

The good news is that I finally made a decent captain choice - I could kiss Carlos Tevez - and I also have faith in Van Der Vaart, my little dutchman (minor crush), he could just be the one to edge me closer to the top today.

(much laughter as Sky commentator says: "....watch it all on our Super SUPER Sunday")

Interesting fact of the day, Ryan Giggs is lining up to play his 600th league game for Man U this afternoon. Quite something and you can bet your bottom dollar he will score on this special occasion.

Second interesting fact, A bit of skirt is ranked 3,182nd in England today, and 5,743rd in the world. 

(mild heart failure as Villa hit the crossbar- Foster (also easy on the eye) is my keeper - desperate for a clean sheet but I fear it is not going to happen)

Third intersting fact (I'm generally not really into facts and statistics but they are coming thick and fast this Super Sunday - it's like they've all been saved up especially for today) the Aston Villa keeper, Bradley Friedel, has played 250 consecutive games for Villa.  He hasn't missed a game since 2004.  That is amazing.

Fact - my tea is getting cold and the half time analysis is coming up - time to give my full attention to the studio team, and not just because Jamie, (heard a new nickname for him this week - Knapp-sack?!) has dressed for the occassion and is sporting a three piece suit.

Realistically, I don't think I'm going to get much done today.

Double trouble

Happy New Year!  It's been a frantic week, with the powers that be intent on scheduling as many games as humanly possible over Christmas and New Year.  Never mind the players, as a fantasy football manager it's been gruelling. No time to relax and research, and there's more to come too, with another full fixture starting mid-week. This week is extra special, because Blackpool and Liverpool both have extra games to play thanks to December's big freeze (I think).


Two games, and this means lots of extra points up for grabs. These weeks, my football mentors wisely advised me at the start of the season, were "crucial".  Somehow though, in all the excitement of Christmas and New Year I have managed to completely miss this on the fixture list until today, and I am now in a mad flap and state of panic which my husband has helpfully defined as "an overreaction".  Really truly though, I should have been more prepared and had a strategy in place. I have just one lonely Liverpool player, a defender, and I'm pretty sure he is not going to go on a scoring rampage.  


I am annoyed at myself, but today was not all bad. Jamie's had a haircut and is looking lovely.  He had ultra tight trousers on today (even more so than usual) and I found it difficult not to stare at his nether region.  To make matters worse, the Thomas Cook ads kept coming on, so I also had his naked torso to contend with.  Need to find something unattractive about him soon or I will be in danger of breaching New Year's Resolution 6.


Jamie aside, I am worried. Will A bit of skirt survive this tricky gameweek?  Can I retain my number 2 position?  Can I ever be top without Drogba?  Where is Nani?  Why did Tevez miss so many?  Why didn't Bale, Van Der Vaart or Nasri get bonus points?  Why did Berbatov have to be taken off at the 59th minute?  And what ever happened to my Ryan Giggs duvet cover?


So much to ponder, and to add to all this I had an odd thought today.  What will I do when the season is over?